He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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