but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
That accounts for only three of the penises
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
