I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
