i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
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