Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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