i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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