i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
if only i could text you this smell
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
