I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Randomize
