that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
