I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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