It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
