Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
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