Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize
