Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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