I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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