Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
