PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Randomize
