My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
