I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
