I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Are we still banned from the library?
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
