I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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