i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Come see our sink grown plant.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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