theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Less talking, more tequila
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
