She said her name was "party"
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
