We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
