Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
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