I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
