and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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