everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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