Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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