The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
