Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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