I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
