We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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