I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
