loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Randomize
