My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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