just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
