I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
