just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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