can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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