Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
