the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I love having hate sex.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
