That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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