she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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