Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I think your dad took our porno
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
