closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Randomize
