I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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