so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
