1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
