i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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