the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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