My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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