you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
