just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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