Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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