She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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