Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I have already put on my inside pants.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
