I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
