i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
you told grandpa to call you daddy
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
