i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize