it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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