Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
