when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
