Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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