just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize