For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
