a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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